I’ve been thinking about this post all day but I just don’t quite know how to put these feelings into words which is why it’s 11pm and I haven’t finished it yet. That’s odd for me because I can usually accurately describe how I feel, but there are so many layers and complications to this that I’m finding it difficult to explain. My friends and family on Facebook are going to be sick of me talking about it but the thoughts are constantly swirling in my head and I have to get them out to release some of the pressure in an attempt to make some sense of it.
I’ve never shared Ben’s birth story here in it’s entirety but by now you have probably guessed that he arrived via c-section. To be completely honest, I haven’t been brave enough to share the details because I still carry a lot of guilt with it, 20 months later. With the impeding birth of our second child, I find myself thinking and obsessing about it almost daily. Maybe someday I’ll share all of the details. Someday soon would probably do me some good. Releasing it might help me breathe again.
For now, I want to share 2 really incredible stories of women much braver than I am. Or maybe they have just been able to cope better, I’m not sure which. Either way, both have helped me in many ways and I hope that soon, I’ll have the courage to put my words of guilt and worry out there so that I’ll be relieved of them in some small way. That’s how writing on the internet works, right?
I’ve always been a fan, but even more so now! We have quite similar stories and I often think about emailing Sherry to let her know how much I appreciate her sharing this.
No Regrets Over C-Section Delivery from PopSugar
I shared this on my personal Facebook page today and got an overwhelming positive and supportive response. I truly do have wonderful people in my life. A good friend dropped by later in the day and we talked about it some more which made me feel even better. Sometimes just getting things out of your head and into the air makes them feel a bit less suffocating.
This post is much heavier than I usually like to go but I know that it’s good when I share these things because someone else might be thinking them too and maybe they’ll feel just a little less alone. Having a c-section is so much more complicated than just the surgery itself. Of course, that was difficult too but it’s merely one part of the story. Maybe I feel this way because Ben’s birth was rather dramatic, much like the little monkey himself! Or maybe it’s because it was the last thing that I wanted to happen when I was preparing for his birth. I’m not sure. Some women seem to deal with it much better than I have been which is something else I feel bad for.
My goodness, this isn’t a happy post at all! But you know what is really amazing, that I have this place which allows me to do this. To talk about the fun things, the happy things, but the heavy things too. I think that helps.
This post may contain affiliate links. See here for more information.