I think we’re finally coming to the end of this awful cold that has plagued our house for the last week, thank goodness! Now I can get back to the usual business of blog reading and writing! I feel so out of the loop and lonely haha!
I was part of a conversation on Facebook the other day that really struck a chord with me. A friend of mine posted about how much she hates it when people ask her when she’s planning on having children. Not because there’s anything wrong with having children, but she has chosen not to have kids and is happy with that. People respond saying things like, “Oh you’ll change your mind someday” or “You don’t really mean that”. As if it’s any of their business, regardless of what her answer would be. I know lots of people who have very happy and fulfilled lives and are childless by choice. What’s wrong with that?
The problem that I have is the original question itself. Why does anyone feel that it’s their business to ask a woman (or a couple) when they are having children? Maybe they don’t want kids. Maybe they’ve been trying for 2 years already and are undergoing fertility treatments. Maybe they just aren’t ready for kids yet. It doesn’t matter what the answer is. Unless a woman chooses to bring up the topic, I don’t think it’s appropriate to ask.
As soon as Nick and I got married, we were being asked when the babies would be coming. Although I’ve always known that I wanted to be a mother, I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. I’d really prefer to keep the goings on in my uterus out of the conversation if at all possible. I feel like you’re pretty much being asked, “So are you having unprotected sex?” It’s not that I wanted to keep this big secret, but I wasn’t overly comfortable sharing it either.
I made the mistake of being open about it right from the start. I say mistake because then I was being asked nearly daily if I was pregnant yet. Also, not appropriate. And I don’t care who you are to me, it’s still not appropriate. Just like the original baby question, it adds so much unnecessary pressure. Don’t get me wrong, Ben is the greatest joy in my life and I wouldn’t change a thing. But we felt a lot of pressure to have a baby right away. Before marrying, we had talked about waiting a while longer but when you are constantly asked, you almost feel like whatever plans you had were wrong and you should really be getting pregnant right away because that’s what is expected of you.
Now, we’re getting the questions and the pressure again. Ben is over a year old now, surely we much be ready for another? Does it matter if we are or aren’t? People don’t care about that. I’m getting better at standing up for myself, but it still makes me really uncomfortable when someone is standing in front of me smiling and asking when the next one is coming. It makes me just ask uncomfortable as when people ask me “When are you weaning Ben?” or “Did you give birth naturally ie. without drugs? (HAHA)?”. My mom and my sister, the 2 people closest to me (other than Nick of course) never ask me this question. They know that if I want to talk to them about it, I will. And I often do! So I often wonder why other people feel it necessary.
Am I being overly sensitive about this or does it bother anyone else too? What do you do about it?
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